iniziodelpoi

The frustration during the first months of Covid-19 completely unbalanced me, unhinged by the centre built up with effort over the years. Finally after years I had gained that fullness and balance between body and spirit that reached its peak during my meditative phases of painting. I was complete with my art which was the segment that completed everything… that sensation that I had never experienced made me think I was approaching death because it seemed to me that I had reached perfection.
I felt ready for death, the physical one…but I was not ready for it: Covid-19 made me plunge into the bowels of oblivion, here is the death whose presence I felt. I think that the feeling I had was that of impotence that sent me down more and more because I was fighting with all my strength.
I was angry with the government, with people, with the life that was keeping me away from the love of my loved ones, of life and so I spent 2 months completely in hibernation.
I know that I always need time to recover from the beatings, but this time I felt like I couldn’t get out of it, clinging to my primary survival instincts and the contact with death much truer than other friendly people who pissed me off with their “resilient” ways.
The first picture, a hint of me where a message I wanted to express but still clutching at my primordial instincts that didn’t make me raise/evolve to my spiritual side was about the word resilience… a word that seems to me a bluff because you have to be resilient to be socially accepted. No, shit, I was in mourning, in my depression and I wanted to be there because I felt the need to be. But then on the 5th of May 2020 after exactly two months and six days (from the 20th of February my family and I stayed at home avoiding contacts because we went to Italy to ski) he arrived: “l’inizio del poi” (i.e. the beginning of the after) which allowed me to go where my art is hidden and to access it again with the respect of the masters.